Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
