remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
