there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
