That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
