No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
