In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
