I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
