We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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