I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
