I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
