He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize