Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
