i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
