Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
