That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
