Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
