no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
