I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My feet surprised me
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
