Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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