this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize