it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
