I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
