I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
