i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
