Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
