please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
