Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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