Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
