Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
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I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
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Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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