my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
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They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
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That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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