Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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