Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
So here I am, sexting at work.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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