You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
