I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
