I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
