you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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