I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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