i think i have herpe
just one?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
