I just saw a hot homeless man
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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