My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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