She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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