A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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