You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
