one two three fourrrrnication!
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
