God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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