They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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