You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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