The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
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