Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
