You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
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I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
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I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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