Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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