you traded sex for a burrito?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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