So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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