I checked into jail on foursquare
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Come on in and take your pants off
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