Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize