its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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