I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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