im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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