this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
3 2 1 whiskey
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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