also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
