that's an acceptable place to lick
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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